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Is your life effective? Is it getting you what you want?
It doesn’t matter what you should do. It doesn’t matter what you deserve.
What matters is if you are living a fulfilled life. It matters if you are happy. It matters if you are contributing to the world in a way that you like.
A friend of mine, Divia, recently introduced me to a really cool software program called Anki. Its a memorization tool, which works by helping you review flash cards right on the cusp of when you are about to forget them. This provides the greatest learning retention for the least amount of time spent studying.
The cool thing is the way in which Divia uses these cards. Divia made cards based on concepts from books like Non-Violent Communication, and other material that she enjoys from day to day life that she wants to fully understand and remember.
I love the concepts from Non-Violent Communication and had thought that I understood the book very well, but I’m finding that when I test myself using the cards she made, what I’m learning is not obvious. I’m instead learning that I really didn’t know the details of the book in depth, and I can benefit from studying.
If you’d like to try the Non-Violent Communication cards for yourself, download Anki, and then email Divia: diviam at gmail dot com. They are meant to be studied after you’ve read the book, so your mileage may vary if you try them without having done that first.
Something I’ve seen a lot of with coaching is just how much people can do when they don’t give up. A situation seems hopeless, and then when my client digs deeper and discusses the issue with me, solutions and ideas just naturally arise, when everything had seemed so bleak.
My training is to not buy into my client’s Saboteur. When the client tells me that things are hopeless, even when I really believe their story, I hold out and help them try on different perspectives, or help them process in a way that makes life a little easier to deal with.
I just had a personal experience where something hopeless turned out to be not as such. My husband and I are expecting a baby, but we’re not doing it the old fashioned way, we’re having a surrogate have our child! I can’t breast feed because I’m on heavy medication, so it was looking as though the baby was not going to have milk, which I was pretty sad about. Milk from a milk bank is prohibitively expensive.
Eventually it dawned on me that I could put an ad for milk up on craigslist! As it turns out, one of the craigslist responders told me about this site. I have already found someone from the site who has promised to donate us a few hundred ounces :)
It occurs to me now, that if I had thought to have my coach work with me about that seemingly unsolvable problem, that I would have probably realized that I had options even sooner.
There is a vast body of knowledge out there when it comes to self help. Here are a few of my favorites:
Sometimes you can speed along self-help by hiring a trained professional to guide you in your personal quest for fulfillment and happiness. Life coaches such as myself are trained with techniques anchored in what has shown to bring people a richer, more grounded and more fulfilling life. Some of these techniques are based on studies that have been scientifically demonstrated to make people happier. Other techniques are based on wisdom that is too complex for modern studies to boil down just yet. The more complex wisdom has so many different facets that are so individualized to the person that is being worked with, that it cannot be isolated into little pieces to be tested.
By hiring a professional you are receiving the expertise of someone who has spent years of their time studying what it takes to make you happy, so that you can benefit from their knowledge, since that person will have done the studying already and can pass along the wisdom in a way that is personalized to you.
You have one week left if you want to sign up for 3 free sessions of life coaching! Its fun, you’ll learn and grow. Try it out, tell a friend!
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When people are straightforward about what they really feel then we can appreciate where they are coming from. We can identify with them. We can empathize.
Communication goes two ways. Speaking openly can be very different than open communication, and sometimes people get them confused. Saying what’s on your mind doesn’t mean that the other person gets it. It doesn’t necessitate that they empathize. Often when one speaks what’s on their mind it can even hurt someone.
Communication means that the message has gotten across. Open communication necessitates having an understanding of what you want to communicate, and an awareness of the person on the receiving end of your message. Sometimes what you want to communicate is that you are confused, and understanding that you are confused is an awareness as well – self-awareness.
When you communicate about an emotion based topic, take the time to really think about what it is you want to communicate. Start with understanding yourself, because if you don’t understand yourself, think about how much harder it would be for someone one step removed to understand you! And when you speak to your conversational partner, consider what words will reach them, so that they can share the clarity you have found.